Oh sweet day

I love my new secret weapon. . heres a glimpse into what I've been upto. well, atleast one of the things I've been doing. More to come so check out my photo blog.

FreeBirthing

Have you ever heard of this? I watched a documentary on it last night and it blew my mind. These ladies are serious warriors with no fear of anything. I could never do it because I would be too scared of something happening but not these ladies. They deliver their own babies. Just them and their husbands or partners or friends. They dont go to the hospital, they sit in a tub of water and push themselves, pull the baby out themselves, cut the cord, everything! NO midwife, dr, nurse. This one lady looked like she was just relaxing in the tub and out came her baby. She said nothing, didn't scream, cry or speak. She just pulled her daughter out and held her and cried softly. I cried while watching it because it was SO amazing. I've never seen such courage. I admire those woman who have given birth naturally with no pain medicine (shout out to my mom, my sister Dara and my friend amber) but I couldn't do it. I could but I didn't want to. ha. There was something so natural and beautiful about these women delivering their own babies. We as women have been doing this for centuries. In England it is illegal to do it alone. Even if you are in the room with the mother, you could be convicted of aiding in the act! How stupid. The dangers are real but man when it goes smoothly its something to watch. Too bad I'm not having any more kids or I would try it. Syke.

losing it

between helping larz with his freakin breathing machine and cleaning up the dog poo from the dog I found, I feel like I'm losing it. . Its something every single day. I am getting rid of this dog. I am hoping larzys lungs will open up for him. Poor little guy. My flip flops are now in the dogs stomach and soon to be in my yard. . . little devil. ..My car is leaking everywhere and I'm tired. sorry. I'm venting. I need a vacation REALLY REALLY bad. I am feeling close to the point of no end. Bye.

Renaissance Festival

I went yesterday with my best friend julia's mom Sue. She and I had SO much fun. I laughed so hard I almost threw up at one point. We got henna tattoos, we wore these mustaches that would not stay on, we met a tree man that made my top 20 scariest things I've ever seen list, ha, we pet an elephant, and more. There was a girl trying on this dress and it was for her wedding. He mom was taking pictures and both sue and I were both suprised. I've never seen a wedding with that kind of dress in it but power to you sista! It was a blast. I love you Sue!!

Family Time

Tifani and Jake were here for the last week to visit. The circumstances were not what we wanted at all but it was so good to hug them and be there for them through this time. I love you guys. We had a birthday party for Payton and then last night my dad bbq'd and we all sat around the fire. I love my parents house. It was so nice to be with my sisters all at once. They are each so different and beautiful.

thick

I'm feeling my veins sinking deeper into my skin in such a way that its comforting. I feel real and alive and raw. The need to take off full speed inside of a forest is ever so thick. Maybe I'll sit for a while and listen to my breath or count my arm hairs. Who knows. I want to be a hermit crab for while. I want to grow my hair out really long and paint my lips blood red. who cares. I think I'll throw my jewelry away too. Who needs it. I feel spring coming. I feel the change. Maybe I'll hide behind the pages of a good book or two. What is everything adding up to? Does there have to be an equation to every situation. I think I'll finally play my banjo. I think I'm ready to pull her out of her case after six long years. I decided that I don't like holidays. They are artificial and pointless. Can we not find anything better to do then that nonsesne? Especially valentines day. I don't eat chocolate and I don't like picked flowers anymore. Id rather have them rooted in a photo. I don't care for steak or small talk. I need a deep deep river of conversation. The kind that makes you heated and so calm and tired. Where are you? ?
I want to wear dresses for the rest of the year. I bought a couple the other day at an antique shop and I think I may keep them on consistently. who cares. why does everyone care about so many insignificant things? You are here for god knows how long and you care about this and that?!? I think its time to shed some skin and let the sun take me away. bye.

I just saw this on my friends blog. It made me cry. thank you allie. I'm a dork for putting this on my blog but its just way too sweet.

"God was showing off when he made my friends".
Happy Birthday to my beautiful friend Lindsey.We go all the way back to the 3rd grade, and man were we naughty together.Our lives took us on separate paths once Junior High hit.There was no separation in our hearts though and we were reunited about 8 years later.

She has a crazy soul like mine, and to me that is the most perfect kind of soul.She's an amazing photographer, a strong mom, a nurturer, a lover of nature, a hippie at heart,an amazing friend, and a deep, wise, old soul. She loves art and can pull beauty out of anything.

She's a fighter, a survivor, some one to look up to. She has the most amazing, big, blue eyes and perfect smile! She has a calm, peaceful presence about her, but a soul and heart that burn with fire. She radiates love, beauty, craziness, wild, peace, uniqueness and tranquility.I love you Lindsey Lou! And I'm blessed to have you walking next to me in this life!

Oh Larz

Anyone was has been around my Larz knows that he is the biggest clutz in the world. Just like his mamma. Well he fell into this big wooden toy chest the other day. He had the biggest goose egg right between his eyes. I was calling him cylopse. ha. Then he got into my make-up and decided he wanted wear my mascara and my blush. This is the outcome of both stories. sigh.

26

I am 26 today. Where did the last 5 years go? sheesh. One minute I'm young, spicy and perky chested, and then next I'm turning 26, bitter and flat chested. Can't wait to see what my status is at 30.

.....

I don't know if its inappropriate to make a post out of this but I just thought I would say a few things. .

Today I watched my sister and her husband burry their little baby Micah. He was so special and always will be. I have seen strength from my sister growing up with her, but nothing like I have seen in the last couple of days. She is my best friend and it really hurts so much to see her have to feel this in her life time. Her husband is probably the best husband I have yet to see. While staying up there in Seattle with them, I left feeling like he should win an award or something, and I feel even stronger after seeing his love for my sister throughout this. If every man was even a little like him, they would be a better man.

I don't have a lot of words right now except for this. .

I know that we will see him again someday. I know that my sister will be able to love her child physically like she deserves to someday. I know that if I think I'm having a hard day that I'm really not because I've never had to do what they have had to do. I know that I love my sister more than I ever have. I know that life is short and I will cherish every second I have with my family and friends, especially my son.

I love you so much Tifani.

Final chavasana

Oh how I love this part of my yoga routine. Sigh. First I get all hot and sweaty and then I get a treat at the end that is so amazing everytime. Your "final Chavasana" is when you lay down at the very end of your routine and meditate. Its dark and there is beautiful music cradling you along with candlelight. (and Lindsay's massage skills) Last night Lindsay ( my yoga instructor) had some close friends over to do a yoga/wine/hot tun night again. I love those nights. I haven't done yoga in almost a month because my life has been so insane and its been hard to even find time to put a comb through my hair. :) Needless to say, last night was exactly what my soul needed. I've been to many places while meditating but this one my friends was the ultimate so far.

I was walking in a place kind of like anne of Green gables .It was sandy and there was really tall grass upto my waist. I was barefoot and walking up this pathway. Once I got upto the top, I looked out over an ocean of swaying flowers and the breeze was making my hair dance all over the place. I also saw out in the middle of it all, a HUGE tree. It was glowing and so mighty. I walked towards it with my hands touching every flower I could see. The feeling of calmness and peace was so strong, its almost like it was yelling at me if that makes sense. I layed in the flowers under this tree and felt so happy and whole. I needed nothing. I felt no stress. I felt no heartache. I was perfectly perfect. And then Lindsay slowly and lovingly pulled me out of that heaven, which I REALLY could've stayed in forever. I came to with a surety that everything I have been worrying about it so small and unimportant. I felt like it was all going to be ok.