~The better your mind gets as totally immersing itself in what you are doing, the less you will be plagued by distractions, desires, and fragmentation-and the more satisying your daily existence will become.~
Sounds so easy huh? ha.
I had a beautiful experience last night.
Through my own healing process, which hasn't been coming along to well, I realized I needed help. I have good days and bad days but more bad lately.
I have a problem dwelling on the negative things, especially when they are so apparent and suffocating. This pain has been so strong and controlling. When things change out of nowhere and cause your whole life to be turned upside down in an instant, it is hard to adjust to.
Having said that. ...
I asked my friend Lindsay to help. She is amazing. She has a heart so pure and beautiful and kind. She is my friend first and also my yoga instructor. She has also placed a child for adoption so we are very very close. We just get eachother. Anyways. She came over last night.
She brought little candles and a relaxing cd. She had me do some stretching and rubbed my neck while I was doing it. Then I layed down. Closing my eyes and breathing in and out she helped me to calm down and think in the now of what was going on focus on my heart center. We as humans hold alot of emotions in our bodies in certain areas. We literally store them in there without even realizing it. Our pain, trauma, our fear. Most of it is stored under our pelvis and throughout our hips. It may sound crazy to some but I believe in this.
Without getting into this too much, I will say this. She had me do an excersice that is meant to release you of that stored away emotion and pain. boy oh boy. I was cryin like a baby. I still had a wall up though so it was controlled somehow. I hate that stupid mental wall that my mind causes.
After that I relaxed and meditated with her help. She can always get me to amazing places. I was laying in a field of aspen trees with the sunlight bouncing all over my face. The trees were swaying over my head and I was content. She rubs this stuff on you that smells so good and fresh. I then went into this hole in space and came out on the other side of it to nothing but black and stillness. I found my ball of energy floating around me and tucked it inside of my heart. It was big and yellow and swirling with furry and power. That was an amazing feeling being out there with nothing to think about but your reason for being.
She gave me a montra: "forgive me I'm sorry, thank you I love you" Which can be applied to anything or anyone but it hit home with me.
After she pulled me out of my little mediation she had me write in my journal. She then gave me a little vision board that she made herself in thought of me. There are little clippings and sayings and pictures all over it. Things like "strong spirit, .....What time weakens, nature can strengthen,......the time is right to change radically, ......Uncover your true self,.....into the wild, ......My mind became very still and clear, like a mountain lake, and there was a feeling of starting fresh" I love that. I started crying as I was reading all of these things and wrapped my arms around her. Who does that?! She's amazing. Then she made me cava tea and we layed out under the trees and watched the lightening. Amazing.
It is time to change and be happy. I need to accept my life as it is and love love love it. I am so powerful and beautiful inside and my outward self is not projecting that at all. Life happens. Heartache happens. It is what it is.
I need to focus on the now of things and stop getting so distracted.
