I will be starting a new blog. And yes, I will be keeping up with it. I am choosing to be more personal with this one due to certain idiots leaving comments on my blog that were rude and they dont even have names. Also, As you all know, rob and I are not together and have not been for alomst a year now so I think the name is not applicable anymore. I do have a heart, trust me. So, until then, here is my new blog site, which is not up and running yet. http://lindseyandlarzypants.blogspot.com/ Love you all. :) p.s. send me your email addresses so I can add you. firstname.lastname@example.org
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Posted by Daydreaming, tree hugging human named lindsey at 3:13 PM
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Posted by Daydreaming, tree hugging human named lindsey at 5:55 PM
Friday, October 9, 2009
Posted by Daydreaming, tree hugging human named lindsey at 9:08 AM
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
I have had it with this age. I dont know how or why moms go through this 2 3 4 5 6 7 times. He is contantly saying no. Constantly disobeying me. constantly saying "mine". I cant sit for 2 seconds. I cant get any work done. I never have a clean house. I dont know how to use a drill gun or I would have solved alot of my problems with doors and cabinets. I have such a curious out of control michevious child. I am so tired after one day with him. Im never doing this again. Ever. but ....I love him. Sigh.
Posted by Daydreaming, tree hugging human named lindsey at 10:05 AM
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Posted by Daydreaming, tree hugging human named lindsey at 9:29 PM
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Posted by Daydreaming, tree hugging human named lindsey at 10:34 PM
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Posted by Daydreaming, tree hugging human named lindsey at 12:22 PM
Friday, August 14, 2009
Posted by Daydreaming, tree hugging human named lindsey at 7:46 PM
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Posted by Daydreaming, tree hugging human named lindsey at 2:46 PM
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Posted by Daydreaming, tree hugging human named lindsey at 9:46 PM
Thursday, July 16, 2009
~The better your mind gets as totally immersing itself in what you are doing, the less you will be plagued by distractions, desires, and fragmentation-and the more satisying your daily existence will become.~
Sounds so easy huh? ha.
I had a beautiful experience last night.
Through my own healing process, which hasn't been coming along to well, I realized I needed help. I have good days and bad days but more bad lately.
I have a problem dwelling on the negative things, especially when they are so apparent and suffocating. This pain has been so strong and controlling. When things change out of nowhere and cause your whole life to be turned upside down in an instant, it is hard to adjust to.
Having said that. ...
I asked my friend Lindsay to help. She is amazing. She has a heart so pure and beautiful and kind. She is my friend first and also my yoga instructor. She has also placed a child for adoption so we are very very close. We just get eachother. Anyways. She came over last night.
She brought little candles and a relaxing cd. She had me do some stretching and rubbed my neck while I was doing it. Then I layed down. Closing my eyes and breathing in and out she helped me to calm down and think in the now of what was going on focus on my heart center. We as humans hold alot of emotions in our bodies in certain areas. We literally store them in there without even realizing it. Our pain, trauma, our fear. Most of it is stored under our pelvis and throughout our hips. It may sound crazy to some but I believe in this.
Without getting into this too much, I will say this. She had me do an excersice that is meant to release you of that stored away emotion and pain. boy oh boy. I was cryin like a baby. I still had a wall up though so it was controlled somehow. I hate that stupid mental wall that my mind causes.
After that I relaxed and meditated with her help. She can always get me to amazing places. I was laying in a field of aspen trees with the sunlight bouncing all over my face. The trees were swaying over my head and I was content. She rubs this stuff on you that smells so good and fresh. I then went into this hole in space and came out on the other side of it to nothing but black and stillness. I found my ball of energy floating around me and tucked it inside of my heart. It was big and yellow and swirling with furry and power. That was an amazing feeling being out there with nothing to think about but your reason for being.
She gave me a montra: "forgive me I'm sorry, thank you I love you" Which can be applied to anything or anyone but it hit home with me.
After she pulled me out of my little mediation she had me write in my journal. She then gave me a little vision board that she made herself in thought of me. There are little clippings and sayings and pictures all over it. Things like "strong spirit, .....What time weakens, nature can strengthen,......the time is right to change radically, ......Uncover your true self,.....into the wild, ......My mind became very still and clear, like a mountain lake, and there was a feeling of starting fresh" I love that. I started crying as I was reading all of these things and wrapped my arms around her. Who does that?! She's amazing. Then she made me cava tea and we layed out under the trees and watched the lightening. Amazing.
It is time to change and be happy. I need to accept my life as it is and love love love it. I am so powerful and beautiful inside and my outward self is not projecting that at all. Life happens. Heartache happens. It is what it is.
I need to focus on the now of things and stop getting so distracted.
Posted by Daydreaming, tree hugging human named lindsey at 9:26 AM
Monday, July 6, 2009
I am full of raw emotion and an overwhelming desire to run wild through the forest. ..as usual. I Bathed in the moonlights rays last night with the wind all around me in the desert. . . . I let my thoughts run wild, as well as my hair. I felt like flying in my sea of peace that was unraveling before me, spinning in circles..spreading out my arms and making my shadow on the desert floor known..taking over the night sky and never coming down...The air was cool and my heart was open. My soul automatically soaks in things like this so much its insane.. ..Man I really wanted to fly....
My life is my own. Existence is purpose. Progression is natural. Lessons are learned so progression is more possible.
I am so consumed with this life and the expectations of it all. It's enough to drive an old soul like mine straight into the ground. Things should be simple, beautiful, delicate. I am finding that they are none of the above lately.
I am being pulled to my limit and my eyes are opening. I am finding more lindsey juice in this old bag of bones and its strong and ready to fight. But what battle do I want to fight if any? The battle to be successful or the battle to be content, happy, and simple like I have always been. ??? random. random thoughts.
I want to take a break. Live in a simple home somewhere in the woods, preferably next to running water. I want to read as much as I can, write until my hands break.... take pictures with my 45 Polaroid of things that don't have opinions like leaves and their beautiful veins and trees.... make lentil soup... pick at my banjo barefoot in a meadow of some kind....stare at larz while he plays with rocks by the water and sing him to sleep...grow my hair out long and remember how dumb it REALLY is to wear labels of any kind...Let my heartache thats deep inside oooze out into the forest ground to be replaced with peace and contentment....focus on nature with my photography like I've always wanted to do, that is the reason I started doing it in the first place...hang my clothes on line and play hide and seek with my man cub....the list could go on and on. What can I say? I'm a day dreamer.
Posted by Daydreaming, tree hugging human named lindsey at 6:02 PM
Saturday, June 27, 2009
My sister and her family have finally moved home! I am sad that I can't go up the Seattle again and have her there but we are all so happy to have them back. Technically, she and the kids are back so far. They flew in tonight and Jake is coming soon with his dad and all of their things. Its been a very very long time since all of us girls have lived in the same state all at once. I think like 10+ years or something crazy like that. Its feels nice to have my girls so close. My family went to the suprise her as she got off of the plane. I was scooting around everywhere on my sorry excuse for transportation. My sister Dara can't handle seeing me on it. She just laughs everytime I roll by. Anways. We love you guys and are SOO happy you are home.
Posted by Daydreaming, tree hugging human named lindsey at 10:26 PM
Larz and Kylee are inseparable. He begs for her all day, all night, as soon as he wakes up, etc. Whenever they are together I get a break and so does my sister kind of. Anyways. They are best buddies.
Posted by Daydreaming, tree hugging human named lindsey at 10:24 PM
Friday, June 19, 2009
So I'm pretty much the biggest moron in the world. I've been living in a handicapped world for the last 11 days. I went to Jerome for the afternoon to get some freash air and at the end of the day I decided to be an idiot. I was all happy and skipping around the town and I went up some stairs and thought.."hm, I'm going to slide down this rail and its going to be SO fun" ...so I did. I caught way too much speed and went flying off the end like a bat out of hell. I landed on my right heel causing it to break. My heel bone shot up into my ankle bone. I sat down and held my ankle in pain. I didn't cry but I did know something was wrong. I got some help across the street from some stranger. the next day I went to see my brother in law (he's a chiropractor) and he did an xray. I couldn't get the best angle with his machine but he was able to see a little of what was going on. I had a partial dislocation as well so he popped that back into place. It really didn't hurt that bad. I went on the next few days, chasing larz around, doing my shoots, and just being crazy like usual. It still hurt really bad. So I finally went to the Urgent care and got another xray. this time I could get into the position that was needed and it showed that I had a broken heel. the following day I went to an actual foot dr and he wanted to give me a Cat Scan but due to the fact that I'm in between insurance's I couldn't afford that. he said that he would give me a temporary cast for 3 weeks but he really wants to see if I would need to surgically have it fixed since there are fragments of bone floating around in my foot. So here I am, with a two year old, wearing a giant cast, working and relying on my mother more than ever. ha ha. I hope I won't need surgery. I got this push cart thing this morning and its awesome. I can move really really fast. I'm still in a lot of pain but I'm just happy to be able to move around. I feel for those who have had foot/leg problems. Its very hard to do regular things and not be very very tired at the end of the day. I am still doing my shoots/weddings. I have to bring home the bacon for me and my man cub. Sigh.
Posted by Daydreaming, tree hugging human named lindsey at 12:19 PM
Friday, June 12, 2009
We all got together for My parents anniversary over at their place. I love their house. The photos of the garden don't even jusitfy and thats only one of her many gardens. we had so much fun eating burgers and horsing around on the side yard. My parents are so in love...its great. It felt so nice to sit back there and feel the breeze and talk and laugh. I love my family.
Posted by Daydreaming, tree hugging human named lindsey at 12:23 PM