my little tank.

update

I am busy covering him in kisses and laughing at his wanna be sentences. He is busy strumming his nostril while he holds the other one shut playing his self made music. Genius. The weather is turning and my soul is trying to jump out of my body and run to the rivers. Or should I say float? Hopefully my soul would be the kind to skip joyfully from point a to point b without this shell of a body it lives in. :) Larz is the size of a 3 year old with the strength of a 10 year old. He cal lift anything. I have weights in the living room and he is always picking the 3lbs up and lifting them up and down like mommy. He's my little giant. He is getting used to being with mommy and then going with daddy, which I was worried about. He sometimes cries when we trade and it hurts. I never wanted it to be this way but its for the best.

He can sing the whole intro to sponge bob all by himself. His words are not clear but man he tries. His arm swings make up for it. We were jamming out yesterday in my car and I changed the radio station. That song by pink was on and he yelled "no!" so I changed it to classic rock and he smiled and started doing his shoulder moves. Thats my boy. classic rock till I die!

I'm so busy with photography its insane. I finally got my LLC and tax number business account, bla bla bla. SO I'm official and theres no hiding now. ha. I dont mean to sound big headed but I'm very proud of myself for how far I've come. I remember almost 5 years ago I was just getting started with this whole hobby and now I'm where I'm at, doing it for a living I"ve learned so much and that never stops.

The time is just around the corner to release. The trees are blooming, the sun is warming, and the rivers are waiting. I always get so excited this time of the year. Soon I will be running through fields of aspen trees in my long dresses, floating on my back down a river, laying in an ocean of waist high grass and laughing with my friends on the front porch of a cabin where the wind chimes are the loudest I've ever heard them. I love the summer.

shoot with Maple

So I feel like a nerd posting these but I LOVE them so much! Like I said before, I have never done a shoot really and it was so much fun! I acutally look like a normal human being and not like the mutant that I am in my mind. ha. I brought my favorite vintage clothes and they were exactly what this shoot needed. Thank you Jaquie for doing such a beautiful job. Love you mermaid. :)

Me and my Maple

I did a photo shoot with my car yesterday. I have never been on the other end of the camera and I thought I would hate it but I loved it. I brought some of my favorite vintage dresses and went out by the super stition mountains. My friend Jaquie took them and she's amazing! we had so much fun. here are two to preview and LOTS more to come!

30 days baby

I bought this a few days ago and I love it. I consider myself to be in good shape but I've always wanted to tone my buns and my stomach after having 2 kids. This program kicks my butt! Its only 20 minutes of your whole entire life. i've done it consistanly and i feel my stomach tightening and my arms getting stronger. I can't wait to see the results when I'm done. woo hoo!

Green Thumb

I was over at my parents house this afternoon playing outside with Larz while my mom was picking out her ripe carrots from her garden, my dad was leaf blowing and my little brother was shoveling up dirt to start a new area for more produce for my mom. I love being over there this time of the year. My mom has tons of different kinds of flowers all over the place. They have every kind of fruit tree you could want and jasmine growing all around the fence. There are wind chimes everywhere and in the back there are my mothers gardens. Anything you want or need, she's got it. And shes goooood at it too. She has a major green thumb and I'm envious because everything I plant dies. ha ha. I picked out my favorite carrots and took them with me. I pulled my mom aside and told her that when her and my dad get old and die, I want the house. She laughed with her hands covered in dirt. I love her so much. I really do want their house. Who wouldn't want a huge yard, fruit trees, gardens and to top it off they have a restaurant booth in their kitchen for crying out loud. Anyways. I love the way my mom lives her life. Its so beautiful and I hope I can be like her at 50.

chuckle

I should be in this instead of this guy. I love starbursts and would love to have one fed to me by a llama. sigh. so funny.

oh my heartbreaker

He is my light in this life. I'm sitting her editing and he walks up with a bowl on his head and a smile on his face. He's talking so much. He was sitting here eating and he said "done mommy!" and then said "wanna go outside!". I couldn't help but eat his face for a minute after that. Oh lord I love this child. He's constantly saying "hi!" and waving to anyone and everyone. He says mommy so much and its so amazing to hear. (sometimes I don't want to hear it anymore after a long day) ha. I was driving the other day and he yelled at me so I told him to be nice in a low tone. . he then yelled "I WANT DADDY!" I love you my beautiful little man cub.

4whln

I didn't have a shoot this last sunday and my friend Jaquie was is town so we went 4 wheeling. I hadn't been in so long. Her husbands uncle lives right by me and the queen creek wash is right behind his house. He has like 15 quads and boats, etc. I got the quad called "grampa". But it hauled to me. I was scared. It was good to be out in the sun with the wind in my hair. I'll post some stuff about Larz soon. I promise.

Oh sweet day

I love my new secret weapon. . heres a glimpse into what I've been upto. well, atleast one of the things I've been doing. More to come so check out my photo blog.

FreeBirthing

Have you ever heard of this? I watched a documentary on it last night and it blew my mind. These ladies are serious warriors with no fear of anything. I could never do it because I would be too scared of something happening but not these ladies. They deliver their own babies. Just them and their husbands or partners or friends. They dont go to the hospital, they sit in a tub of water and push themselves, pull the baby out themselves, cut the cord, everything! NO midwife, dr, nurse. This one lady looked like she was just relaxing in the tub and out came her baby. She said nothing, didn't scream, cry or speak. She just pulled her daughter out and held her and cried softly. I cried while watching it because it was SO amazing. I've never seen such courage. I admire those woman who have given birth naturally with no pain medicine (shout out to my mom, my sister Dara and my friend amber) but I couldn't do it. I could but I didn't want to. ha. There was something so natural and beautiful about these women delivering their own babies. We as women have been doing this for centuries. In England it is illegal to do it alone. Even if you are in the room with the mother, you could be convicted of aiding in the act! How stupid. The dangers are real but man when it goes smoothly its something to watch. Too bad I'm not having any more kids or I would try it. Syke.

losing it

between helping larz with his freakin breathing machine and cleaning up the dog poo from the dog I found, I feel like I'm losing it. . Its something every single day. I am getting rid of this dog. I am hoping larzys lungs will open up for him. Poor little guy. My flip flops are now in the dogs stomach and soon to be in my yard. . . little devil. ..My car is leaking everywhere and I'm tired. sorry. I'm venting. I need a vacation REALLY REALLY bad. I am feeling close to the point of no end. Bye.

Renaissance Festival

I went yesterday with my best friend julia's mom Sue. She and I had SO much fun. I laughed so hard I almost threw up at one point. We got henna tattoos, we wore these mustaches that would not stay on, we met a tree man that made my top 20 scariest things I've ever seen list, ha, we pet an elephant, and more. There was a girl trying on this dress and it was for her wedding. He mom was taking pictures and both sue and I were both suprised. I've never seen a wedding with that kind of dress in it but power to you sista! It was a blast. I love you Sue!!

Family Time

Tifani and Jake were here for the last week to visit. The circumstances were not what we wanted at all but it was so good to hug them and be there for them through this time. I love you guys. We had a birthday party for Payton and then last night my dad bbq'd and we all sat around the fire. I love my parents house. It was so nice to be with my sisters all at once. They are each so different and beautiful.

thick

I'm feeling my veins sinking deeper into my skin in such a way that its comforting. I feel real and alive and raw. The need to take off full speed inside of a forest is ever so thick. Maybe I'll sit for a while and listen to my breath or count my arm hairs. Who knows. I want to be a hermit crab for while. I want to grow my hair out really long and paint my lips blood red. who cares. I think I'll throw my jewelry away too. Who needs it. I feel spring coming. I feel the change. Maybe I'll hide behind the pages of a good book or two. What is everything adding up to? Does there have to be an equation to every situation. I think I'll finally play my banjo. I think I'm ready to pull her out of her case after six long years. I decided that I don't like holidays. They are artificial and pointless. Can we not find anything better to do then that nonsesne? Especially valentines day. I don't eat chocolate and I don't like picked flowers anymore. Id rather have them rooted in a photo. I don't care for steak or small talk. I need a deep deep river of conversation. The kind that makes you heated and so calm and tired. Where are you? ?
I want to wear dresses for the rest of the year. I bought a couple the other day at an antique shop and I think I may keep them on consistently. who cares. why does everyone care about so many insignificant things? You are here for god knows how long and you care about this and that?!? I think its time to shed some skin and let the sun take me away. bye.

I just saw this on my friends blog. It made me cry. thank you allie. I'm a dork for putting this on my blog but its just way too sweet.

"God was showing off when he made my friends".
Happy Birthday to my beautiful friend Lindsey.We go all the way back to the 3rd grade, and man were we naughty together.Our lives took us on separate paths once Junior High hit.There was no separation in our hearts though and we were reunited about 8 years later.

She has a crazy soul like mine, and to me that is the most perfect kind of soul.She's an amazing photographer, a strong mom, a nurturer, a lover of nature, a hippie at heart,an amazing friend, and a deep, wise, old soul. She loves art and can pull beauty out of anything.

She's a fighter, a survivor, some one to look up to. She has the most amazing, big, blue eyes and perfect smile! She has a calm, peaceful presence about her, but a soul and heart that burn with fire. She radiates love, beauty, craziness, wild, peace, uniqueness and tranquility.I love you Lindsey Lou! And I'm blessed to have you walking next to me in this life!

Oh Larz

Anyone was has been around my Larz knows that he is the biggest clutz in the world. Just like his mamma. Well he fell into this big wooden toy chest the other day. He had the biggest goose egg right between his eyes. I was calling him cylopse. ha. Then he got into my make-up and decided he wanted wear my mascara and my blush. This is the outcome of both stories. sigh.

26

I am 26 today. Where did the last 5 years go? sheesh. One minute I'm young, spicy and perky chested, and then next I'm turning 26, bitter and flat chested. Can't wait to see what my status is at 30.

.....

I don't know if its inappropriate to make a post out of this but I just thought I would say a few things. .

Today I watched my sister and her husband burry their little baby Micah. He was so special and always will be. I have seen strength from my sister growing up with her, but nothing like I have seen in the last couple of days. She is my best friend and it really hurts so much to see her have to feel this in her life time. Her husband is probably the best husband I have yet to see. While staying up there in Seattle with them, I left feeling like he should win an award or something, and I feel even stronger after seeing his love for my sister throughout this. If every man was even a little like him, they would be a better man.

I don't have a lot of words right now except for this. .

I know that we will see him again someday. I know that my sister will be able to love her child physically like she deserves to someday. I know that if I think I'm having a hard day that I'm really not because I've never had to do what they have had to do. I know that I love my sister more than I ever have. I know that life is short and I will cherish every second I have with my family and friends, especially my son.

I love you so much Tifani.

Final chavasana

Oh how I love this part of my yoga routine. Sigh. First I get all hot and sweaty and then I get a treat at the end that is so amazing everytime. Your "final Chavasana" is when you lay down at the very end of your routine and meditate. Its dark and there is beautiful music cradling you along with candlelight. (and Lindsay's massage skills) Last night Lindsay ( my yoga instructor) had some close friends over to do a yoga/wine/hot tun night again. I love those nights. I haven't done yoga in almost a month because my life has been so insane and its been hard to even find time to put a comb through my hair. :) Needless to say, last night was exactly what my soul needed. I've been to many places while meditating but this one my friends was the ultimate so far.

I was walking in a place kind of like anne of Green gables .It was sandy and there was really tall grass upto my waist. I was barefoot and walking up this pathway. Once I got upto the top, I looked out over an ocean of swaying flowers and the breeze was making my hair dance all over the place. I also saw out in the middle of it all, a HUGE tree. It was glowing and so mighty. I walked towards it with my hands touching every flower I could see. The feeling of calmness and peace was so strong, its almost like it was yelling at me if that makes sense. I layed in the flowers under this tree and felt so happy and whole. I needed nothing. I felt no stress. I felt no heartache. I was perfectly perfect. And then Lindsay slowly and lovingly pulled me out of that heaven, which I REALLY could've stayed in forever. I came to with a surety that everything I have been worrying about it so small and unimportant. I felt like it was all going to be ok.